My Childhood

Childhood - “the state or period of being a child.” Now my childhood wasn’t easy I didn’t feel loved by my parents so growing up its was like I was begging for mommy and daddy love and attention, even though I was begging for their love I still wouldn’t get it. How can a parent give birth to a child and when you look down on that child you don’t fall in love? well you can look on me and say “ hey when her mom gave birth to her she didn’t fell in love with her”. When I tell people that after my brother my mom could not have any more children, they thought I was joking well she could not and in order for her to have children she had to do surgery.

People would say that I’m a miracle baby/child but when I look on it sometimes I think I’m a mistake cause my dad already had two daughters with his ex-wife while my mom had two children already “my sister and my brother”, I was supposed to be a boy baby but God chose different for my parents, why? I honestly do not know…. Now that I am here, I feel like I needed to be loved but who would I get that love from? My dad was not around so I could not get daddy love and they say a girl child is more attached to her father I guess I am different cause I do not have that attachment with my dad at all. My mother was not around much so that motherly love that I would get I did not experience it.

Leaving Jamaica at a young age to live with another parent was so different I was loved and cared for but after awhile here comes the verbal abused and the physical abused. I am not use to this!!!! What was I supposed to do? I cannot run away, I cannot call the police cause if I do they would take me away and put me in the system and my mom can’t take me out cause she live in Jamaica and my adopted parents would have lost their parents rights to take care of me. After all of those abused, I was finally heading back home thank God!!!!!!! I am finally free!!!!!!! Or so I think sigh, back home the love was still not there what did I do to deserve this? All I want is to be loved. My mother was never home and if she do come home it wasn’t for long cause she was staying over her boyfriend house, I didn’t like him at all cause he took my mother away from me so what was I supposed to do? No mother loves I am just in the world all by myself.

My mother made me live with a total stranger all because the house she and her boyfriend decided to live in did not accept children. So, now you are thinking did she really put that man over her child! Well you guess right, yes she did I would only see my mom when she came to the house to give the lady money to take care of me or when she decided that she want me to spend the weekend with her. Living with the stranger was another abused and I honestly don’t know what to call this abused but all I know was that I could not go outside to play, I couldn’t watch tv and my life was going to choir rehearsal on a Friday evening and going to church on a Sunday and I honestly didn’t have a problem with that but why couldn’t I go outside and play like normal kids or even watch tv?

Short story time

I remember getting a bible as gift and I decided to take it to church one Sunday now one of my church friends ask if they can take a look at it so I gave it to her and I forgot to take it back from her, went home without my bible and I was told that I had to stand in the corner until it was time for bed. The only time was move from the corner was to eat my dinner, use the bathroom and get ready for school the next day.

Now I think that was child abused others would disagree with me and others would agree with me but being in the situation I cried because I could not do anything about it. I was beaten with wooden stick that slit my finger and I couldn’t bend my fingers for days; I still have the scar and every time I look on it, I shake my head my mom decided that she going to take me back so I end up living with my mom and my step-dad. Living with my mom and step-dad I thought everything was going to be great but life take a turn on me, I’m not going to lie though living with my mom for the past couple of years before what my next post is going to tell you was good but as I said life will take a different turn on you.

This is my first time writing a blog and I hope you enjoy it.

I’ll making new post every Wednesday.