Suicide: From Another Perspective

Being Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and with so many persons both known and unknown going through it, it's only appropriate and timely that I write this.

No one likes talking about suicide. Do they? I mean, we're all so afraid of the consequences and the backlash and judgy eyes that end up with most of us suffering in silence. Just yesterday, I had a flashback. Other days, this particular memory would be just another memory. But in this tear-jerking instant, it was like a deja vu. A friend of mine shared that her sister is suicidal and she wanted to advise on how to approach the situation. After listening to the voice message, I had to switch my phone off for a bit, take a few deep breaths, and gathered my thoughts sensibly. Why was I so pressed (for lack of a better word)? I've been right here before.

Backtrack to 2014, I think. I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation for a few years since I was very young. Attempted once but that's for another day. For my final practicum, I was at a probation office where I did EVERYTHING except speaking in court. From home visits to counseling to mediation to prison visits to writing reports and being present in court. EVERYTHING. For some reason, persons always associate depression with constantly visible sadness. You've gotta be okay if you're here every day smiling and showing up, doing what you're supposed to do and doing it so damn well. Right? Lol.

All of 17 years later and that is still the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've done ALOT of hard things in my little time here. I hide my tears very well but when dem ready fi drop, whew. For most of our sessions, I had to turn away or ask him to be excused. Long time God love run joke wid mi enuh. Every time I attempt to do something, He sends a counter to pretty much put me in my place. Whew. Because how did this ago work, sir? Weh mi fi do?

To end, because we're not sad, doesn't mean we're happy. If someone trusts you enough to tell you they're thinking about suicide, don't shout and scold us as a family member did very recently. We're not selfish, but you might be. It's hurting us more than you think you'd feel if... Pray for us. Be kind to